Monday, September 7, 2020

Professor Plum

Letters from Josh

Professor Plum     9/7/20                                                                           Letter 22

  Hey there, folks, and Happy Labor Day!  Josh here - if you’re just “tuning in”, I’m a fellow who, pre-COVID, went around and brought you music and eclectic lectures.  Nowadays, it’s letters with a variety of tales.  

  This week, it’s the answer to CLUE:  Professor Plum killed the Home Depot Paint Lady in the Library with the Lead Pipe.  Ah, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

 Life has a strange way of cutting me down to size - repeatedly.  I’m actually grateful for this, because like the Zoysia grass in the front yard, I’d get out of control without a regular leveling.  Moreover, I’m learning when to expect one of these reality checks.  If I’m walking along, the sky is blue, and I really think I’ve got my act together...expect lighting.  

  Cut to today.  I’ve been renovating a room in my house, turning it into a library and study.  I’ve replaced rotten beams, patched soft floor, ordered new hardwood and a nailer (I’ll be installing it, too), replaced drywall (with the huge help of my stepdad), am going to build floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, mill my own crown molding, and, of course, am repainting.  

  Aiming for the 1930’s study vibe, the ceiling is a beautiful dark teal green, and the walls are “Admiral Blue”, a deep shade of the ocean, dignified and stately.  With endless prep work, the dust must have gotten into my thinking.  Hours and hours of sanding and painting found me thinking the fatal thought:  Oh wow, I’m really something.  I’ll think big thoughts in here.  

  In the interest of doing it right, it seemed prudent to get one more gallon of Admiral Blue - just to make sure the coat was nice and thick.  The sun smiled down as I made my way back to Home Depot, taking forever to get another gallon of paint.  Man, were they busy there.  A little too busy, apparently.  

  Back home, I rolled the Admiral Blue on the walls, and touched up the corners.  “Boy, look how cool I am.  I’m going to think the important stuff in my new Library.”  

  “Huh, that’s funny, it looks like a different color.  Well, the paint must just have to dry.”  

  Still, this morning, the finish was...patchy.  I start to touch it up, and when, standing in the middle of my big boy library/study in which I’ll be SO cool and think the big thoughts and do re-search (emphasis on the last syllable)...

  I realized I was painting my wall  PURPLE.  It’s like I’m living inside a grape.  So much for dignity.  Ha!  Ohhh, Life, you ol’ scoundrel, ya really got me again!  I am...Professor PLUM!  This is my library. Yeah yeah, forget James in the Giant Peach - I’m Josh in the Giant Grape.  As for the Home Depot lady - don’t worry, I’ll forgo the lead pipe for polite questions and kindness, and we’ll get it sorted in a way that works for everyone.  I actually kind of like it, and might keep it this way.  

  The purple walls echoed with chuckles of sudden realization this morning.  Bet the guy who actually ordered the purple paint is saying “HEY!  This is Blue!” 


  In parting, I hope your Labor Day is relaxing, enjoyable...and just a little unpredictable.  Eat some grapes, and think of me!  

Yours Truly,

Josh...aka Professor Plum  

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